TRANSCRIPT

Happy Spider Brain Episode 9: 

I'm Camille Lindquist, and this is Happy Spider Range, the podcast for business owners who are serious about working less and becoming insanely profitable through the power of unlimited thinking. I'm Camille Enquist, and this is Happy Spider Brain. Episode number nine excuses part to how to stop making excuses. Hi, everyone. I have to tell you a really funny story to start off today. If you're on my email list, you'll have heard me mention that I often make more for a photography session than I paid for my current car. Now, before you get too excited, I haven't had a $30,000 session yet. I am really not that cool. 3 to $5000 is totally my sweet spot for consistent photography sales, but we paid $3000 for our car, and it only had 32,000 miles on it when we got it. Plus, it's a Toyota, so I'm told it's gonna run forever. Don't ask me why, because I don't know a thing about cars, but I'm holding fast to that. I'm hoping it'll be my oldest daughter's high school car now. I actually had a lot of people this week asked me how we got the car for such a good deal. But you need to know that first off, no matter how much money I seem to bring in, either from my photography business or from upper did life, one thing about me always stays the same. I love a good deal. I am not high end, you guys. I don't want a fancy car or a huge house. This good deal. It was pure luck on our part. Let's just say we knew an older lady in her mid eighties, and her Children grounded her and sold her car before you think? Oh, they're so mean. You need to know that part of it was her eyesight that had begun to deteriorate a little bit. But the other reason they so called grounded her was that she kept shoplifting. This cute little old lady would sneak doc toys into her purse when she got up Gross grocery shopping and it cracks me up every time I see her makes me giggle. But I'm super grateful that we were able to get such a nice car and her family takes super good care for needs and get. Suresh needs to go, so she's totally fine and we're happy. When we were living on my husband's teacher paycheck, we had constant roadblocks in front of us regarding our finances. With eight years of experience as a teacher, he is now making $3000 a month. Remember $2999? Yep, that's his paycheck. A few years ago, though, it was barely above 2000 and we have a family of five is you can't raise a family on that. Before I started up my photography business, it was really easy for me to make excuses. We couldn't have a new car. New clothes go out to eat all these things. It was so easy to bemoan my life and just be like, Well, life is against me. I can't do this because we aren't lucky enough. But we got really good during that time at Spider, bringing around our problems. We wanted to go out to eat cool. I take on another piano or voice students so we could have an eating out fund. We needed a new car, wait until tax return time and buy a used car with cash instead of going on some kind of vacation or spending it on something that we don't really need. If I needed clothes for my three little girls garage sale time, I want to walk you through 13 steps you can take to learn to ignore excuses and just get your butt toe work. People are often afraid of things because they don't understand them, or maybe they're lacking all of the information that they need. But the good news is that the more you educate yourself about a challenge or a process that you're afraid of, the easier it is to overcome a fear. It doesn't matter what obstacle you're dealing with. Somebody, somewhere, has gone through it. So reason you make an excuse might be that you're afraid of failure, and that's totally normal. Our brains want us to be afraid to fail because they don't. Our brain doesn't want us to fail, but you guys failure is unavoidable, and it's inevitable that at some point during your life you will fail. In fact, you'll probably feel a lot, and you'll probably fail in a really big epic way. At some point it happens that that's how we learn. But it also is just kind of part of life, All right, so whenever you're trying something new or taking a risk, there's always a chance that you're going to fail. But it's also important to remember that you don't lose everything when you fail. So if you make excuses to reduce your risk of failing, it means you're never trying anything new. So I failed so many times you guys in this business in an opera upper to life. Also in my photography business in other parts of my life that I've done. There are things that I put a lot of effort into that didn't work out like total back end fixes on Upper did life like we're talking like coding type stuff that I spent tons of time doing, and it just didn't end up being successful, and I had to just totally trash it. But you just you have to keep going when that happens. Because in reality I've learned so much from all of my mistakes in my failures, not just what not to dio, but I've learned what actually works one day to help. One way to help you overcome your fear of failure is to embrace the idea in your mind. This thought right, change this thought that making mistakes and failing is actually a positive thing. I heard about a guy who's really successful in business, some business guru, right that he I think he's an investor. He keeps a folder on his computer every month, and he doesn't consider himself successful that month until he's had four. Big Fails is that crazy? He measures the level of his of his success by his failures. So don't be afraid of failure, Guys, it's really important. All right, so another reason why you make excuses is because you don't know what to expect. The fear of uncertainty, which is worrying about an unknown future or unknown circumstances that could possibly maybe come your way, is the fear of uncertainty. Uncertainty makes people uncomfortable because you don't have enough information or experience to give you any confidence. Okay, we want answers Now were a really impatient society. Okay, this is probably the excuse I struggle with the most. As like myself. I do not like uncertainty. Yet I became a double entrepreneur, so I must just be really good at facing my fears head on every day because I hate, uncertainty, uncertainty. I never know what my business is gonna D'oh! You don't either. All these tips and everything. You know what? You could still have a big fail. We may not. We may not know why your business doesn't work, but it's really important to face the fear of the unknown and not knowing how much money you're gonna get. I mean, the whole method that I teach you guys for clients is you're assuming that at the end of all your work they're going to spend $3000. Hey, it doesn't always happen now. This method, if you follow all the steps, is pretty fail proof. But you have to follow all the steps. So if you don't, you're going to see failure. And when you first get started, you're probably going to see more failure than later because you're still getting used to it. You're still getting good at it, but you can really overcome the fear of uncertainty If you use the if then spider braiding method, The idea here is to think of every possible obstacle or challenge that you'll probably encounter and then create a strategy for how you're going to handle them. If you do this throughout all aspects of your life and your business, it will be hard to make excuses about why you can't follow up okay with projects or tasks or something. Really soon you'll see that there's actually a way around every single obstacle, without experience and perspective without, you know, that uncertainty people make assumptions or jump to conclusions about these possible incomes. Like I said, that maybe might possibly happen. That could negatively impact them case. So they assume that it's going to be negative. That's what our brain does. It doesn't want us to live in uncertainty. It wants comfort. It wants stability. Okay, a little bit of risk is worth a really awesome goal. Okay? Not every one of you is going to succeed because not every one of you is gonna put the work into it. All right? So reason number four why people make excuses is that you don't have a specific goal if you don't have specific and measurable goals. It's really easy to make excuses to avoid doing something you don't want to do. But I hope that by going through the business course, you have a specific goal whether it's my goal, that you're going to try and do as well or if you have your own goal. Like I said, $1000 that's fine. Okay, For example, can you see the difference between I want to lose weight this year? And I'm going to lose £10 in the next six weeks? Guy that's really specific with your photography business. I want you to want a certain average K, whether that's 3000 2000 1000. If you're below 1000 you definitely can charge more. And we should talk because your goals aren't high enough. But you need a specific goal instead of I'm going to make more money as a photographer. All right, so if you don't have a clear end goal in mind, it's really, really easy to make excuses to avoid doing something that you don't want to do. If you don't, I know where it's going, right? So with that specific goal in mind for that example about losing weight, you'll be less likely to come up with an excuse to skip the gym or eat junk food. Vague goals like I want to lose weight this year. They're not gonna get you very far now. I'm not gonna talk about weight. I don't really care about your weight. That has literally nothing to do with your business and your business skills, K. But it's just a nisi example because we're so used to seeing things like that that I thought that that might make a little more sense to you than a $3000 photography goal. Okay, specifics with your goals are really important. All right? Reason number five is you're scared of making a mistake. Okay, so you might make excuses because you're really scared to mess up. Mistakes might seem like the end of the world to you at this point, but mistakes are really valuable. Actually, mistakes can be amazing. You guys think about the mistakes you've made in your life so far, and then consider the ways that they have actually added to your strength and to your character, think about the skills that your mistakes have taught you and how they've shaped you, like, shaped your knowledge and shaped your personal development. Okay. It's really important to see mistakes as being beneficial and a critical, important part of your life and to embrace those mistakes, K. It's hard. You guys, I'm not saying this stuff is easy, but if you make excuses to avoid making a mistake, you might miss out on some of your biggest mistakes that could have ended up being your best learning experiences. All right, The bigger the mistake, the more you learn. Okay, so we're gonna move on to reason number six, cause I could talk about that last reason for days, but we need to get through all this stuff. So you guys have some tools to help you get over your excuses? Reason Number six is you compare yourself to others. So people often really fear being compared to others who they think are more successful, more talented or better than themselves. And a lot of times, we measure ourselves up to see if we perform better or worse than other people. If we're afraid we are as good as someone else, we show up differently. We make excuses for it. That thought will cause your result to be different in the end than your model. Okay. All right. Reason number seven is you're protecting yourself. It's really common to want to protect yourself from harm in any way. Whether it's physical, emotional or mental. You're always going to be a little bit aware of your surroundings in order to keep yourself safe. Right? That is what your brain does. It's normal. If it didn't, we wouldn't have these fighter flight responses. We wouldn't be able to physically keep ourselves safe and alive, right? Our brain wants us to be alive. That's its primary function. K is to keep us alive at all costs, all right. It wants to make your life as easy and simple and safe as possible. That's that's what our brain wants us to do. But as human beings, we don't learn that way in a simple and safe zone. Okay, I mean, there's a certain amount of safety you need. I don't want guys to go sit in the middle of a jungle with tigers all around you and think that that's gonna help you learn better by stepping out of your comfort zone. Well, that's just stupid. Okay, But when your life has a certain amount of basic safety functions, you can take giant steps and risks that might not feel safe. All right, We don't learn by being safe All right, This goes along with mistakes and fear. Okay, For this reason, you might come up with excuses not to do the things in your business that you need to do. You want to protect yourself and not put yourself in harm's way. You don't want to put yourself out there to get hurt. All right? Sometimes this is a really smart thing to do. Like if you're on the edge of a cliff, your brain will tell you to get back. But other times it may hold you back from doing the things that you really need to do and the things that you actually can do but may not believe it. All right. Reason number eight is you're not motivated. You don't want to write that paper. You don't want to make a healthy dinner at home and you don't want to go to the gym. So without motivation, you can come up with any excuse in the book to say, stay complacent. All right. You might tell yourself that you don't have the time you have the money, or maybe the education to pursue something that you want. But the way that you choose to spend your time and money is how you actually define your priorities. I am a guy. I've earned my way through my photography business guy. I put everything I earned right back into my photography business. And believe me, we could have used that money. Personally. I would have loved to be ableto go out to eat once a week or something. We were living on Pennies K. But when it was young, when I was first getting started, I put every single bit back into my business. And that's how I was able to grow so fast is I was able to invest back in my business at its at its Baby steps cave. You choose what you spend your money on. Do you choose to save it, or do you choose to spend it? There's usually a way to get around these types of excuses. If there's something on the horizon that would be really beneficial to you, okay, and if someone needs money, there's a way to get it. You just need to think harder and not wallow in. I don't have any money, Okay, If this is your excuse, go back and think about your priorities and considers consider whether or not excuse is is valid. Okay, reason number 10. Why people make excuses is that you're set in your ways. You might be so stubborn and set in your ways that you tell yourself you're unable to change. But when you think about it, is it that you can't change? Or that may be that you don't want to change. Making changes takes effort and commitment, and it can be really hard. If you just become defeated about an aspect of maybe your personality or your circumstances without even trying to change it, then you're just making excuses to stay complacent. Why are all these things bad? You might be feeling that way after I've gone through this list K their natural functions of our brain. So why are they bad? Aside from the fact you guys that they're probably not true statements when you say them or when you think them, they're causing you to limit yourself and excuses are so limiting. These reasons for making excuses keep you going down the same path that prevent you from growing or branching out. Excuses lead to failure in reaching your full potential. Okay, when you make an excuse. You're not even giving yourself a chance. And that can limit you in every single area of your life, not just your business. You may never even know what you're capable of if you have an excuse for everything that comes your way. So don't settle for less by making an excuse just because you don't want to have to put forth the effort or don't want to challenge yourself. That's called complacency, and your brain loves complacency. If you make excuses to not move up in life, you're gonna stay in a mediocre position that keeps you content at the best. I'm not saying contentment is a bad thing, but in the area of business, contentment will usually mean your business actually goes down instead of gross. Okay, excuses in your life will make you regret the road not taken. Okay, if you make an excuse to not do something, there's a really big chance that you're gonna end up regretting that you don't want to look back on your life with feelings of I wish we all do that enough as it is. So if you try something instead of making up an excuse to avoid it. There's a really big chance that you will be glad you tried, even if you fail, if you learn to look at failure as a positive. But if you sit back and you do nothing, there's a really big chance that you're going to regret not knowing how it would have turned out. Okay. Excuses in your life prevent you from growing. The laziness that's leading you not to challenge yourself can also prevent you from changing the excuses that you have and that you give yourself. They help you to live with the failed expectations that you already had for yourself. If you never expected to grow in the first place, you won't grow if you keep adding excuses to the mix. So for those of you have kids, something else to remember is excuses in your life will teach your Children the same bad habit. You want your Children to be successful, right? You want them to feel confident in all the things that they try. You don't want them to live a life of excuses and settle for mediocrity. We usually want more for our kids than we had for ourselves, right? You want to teach your Children to pursue everything that they want to do, even if they have some reservations or if they have a fear of, like, fail failure just like us. I tell my kids it's okay to fail. I applaud them when they fail, but it took a really long time. Many years of parenting I'm not. I mean, my kids aren't that old guys, and I'm still really working on this. But it took a long time for me to embrace failure and my oldest child, you know, she when I didn't embrace failure. She grew up with that Maur. She remembers that more of my parenting skills, and she is more afraid of failure than my other two. My youngest is like Cool. I messed up, you know? But my oldest is like Armageddon is I failed, okay? And that part of that is personality. But part of it is the way I parented them. Okay, I was the kid in school who had straight A's and never missed a single spelling test word in my entire life. That's great. And okay, if you want to be like that, that's awesome. But because of it, I had a really large amount of anxiety around failure. So it's taking me a long time to realize that that was inside of me. And then I couldn't succeed if I wasn't willing to fail. And I have really taken to teaching that to my Children. So I hope you guys, if you have kids, you can see that when you have this habit, you're gonna teach them the same thing. So it's really important to learn how to get over excuses. Step number one. To stop making excuses all right is to stop comparing yourself to others. You focus on your weaknesses and not your strengths when you do this, and it makes you feel defeated and hopeless, especially if you see a really big gap between where you are right now and where they are. The truth is that other people around you might be comparing themselves to you and you don't even know it. This is 100% an example of your thoughts getting in your way. If you're making an excuse to not try something new because you're comparing yourself to others who are maybe experts in the field, remember that they once stood in your shoes and were able to get to where they are today through a lot of work. Okay, it didn't just happen. It's not magic. Step Number two is to stop fearing the unknown. All right, people are afraid of taking risks that could disrupt the current reality that they live in. And people are really opposed to making even the smallest change to the comfort of daily behavior. Skype. Even if their current actions are in their best interest, Step number three is to stop blaming others. One of the most destructive things you could do in life is to play the blame game. It's the basis for frustration and unhappiness in people's lives. It often stems from a rational thinking, and it's not healthy for you or for the person you're blaming. People also tend to blame outside circumstances or conditions for their downfalls. For example, have you ever heard someone complained that they're not making enough money and then blame it on the current state of the economy? When they do this, it takes away a sense of personal responsibility for something that the person actually wants to change about their lives. You need to take ownership of your life and recognize when you're blaming others or when you're blaming circumstances, you need to exercise the authority that you have over your life by taking charge of anything that's right within your control. This was a longer episode than usual, and I really hope that it helped. I love to hear from you guys. Send me an email right now at Camille at operated life dot com and let me know the number. One thing you plan to focus on to help you stop making excuses and start creating a life that you love. I'll chat with you next week. Our topic is super controversial, so you will not want to, you know?