Happy Spider Brain Episode 6:
I'm Camille Lindquist, and this is Happy Spider Range, the podcast for business owners who are serious about working less and becoming insanely profitable through the power of unlimited thinking. I'm Camille, and this is happy Spider Brain. Episode number six. Confidence versus Fear. Welcome back, guys. Today we're going to talk about confidence and fear. These two things are polar opposites. You guys and every single person in the world struggles with this. I promise you. Motivational speaker David Schwartz once wrote, All confidence is acquired developed. No one is born with confidence. Those people you know who radiate confidence, who have conquered worry have acquired their confidence. Every bit of it. Isn't that just crazy to think about? You guys take a second and picture the most confident or successful person, you know? How do they dress? How do they greet you? How do they treat those around them? How do they speak? How do they deal with their problems? The key here, as you think about them, is to know that they weren't born with all of that confidence. Yes, some people are naturally more outgoing than others. That's not what I'm talking about. It does come across as more confident than, say, someone who is shy. But people who are successful still needed to activate that confidence. Here's how you can activate some of that extreme self confidence and trade in your fears at the same time. Number one. Trade your mediocre behaviors For those of successful people, the key to becoming world class in your endeavors is to build your performance around world class routines. That's a quote by Darren Hardy. Most people in the world constantly practice mediocre routines and behaviors. Remember our brains, you guys, the brain that you have that we've talked about in other podcasts and videos. Your brain is amazing that it wants your life to be easy. Our brain doesn't want us to risk our comfort or our safety. And as such, most people struggle with any type of change to their routine. There's a huge difference, though, between how successful and unsuccessful people operate. They think, speak and even carry themselves very differently. New York Times bestselling author Grant Cardone once said, Success is not something that happens to you. It's something that happens because of you and the actions you take. Success and self confidence must be grown, nurtured and trained. You have to work at it. You guys, if you think that you just can't change because of some roadblock in your mind. No, this anyone from any background, regardless of upbringing, social class, ability, culture can cultivate this skill. It does require intentional training, though. And, of course, like any skill, it's grown over time. Those who put in the work for it get the results. If you want to have the type of confidence, focus and even some charisma that enables you to achieve your ideal lifestyle, you need to model your behavior on others who've already succeeded. Do you want financial success in your business? Find a mentor who's already done it. Do you want to own your own business? There are dozens of incredible people who teach how to do it online. I have an amazing course that I'm super proud of. Where I teach photographers every day to go from $100 a session to $3000 a session or whatever number they dream up. I also coach other small businesses about how to align as high end. I think you see where I'm going with this trade in your outdated and unhelpful daily life actions and routines that aren't working with the actions of a successful person. There are people, lots of them right now living the life that you want, read their stuff by their courses, follow their instructions. If you want a different life, you need to do things differently. Grant Cardone also said one of the greatest turning points in my life occurred when I stopped casually waiting for success and started to approach it as a duty, obligation and responsibility. So if you haven't heard of Grant Cardone, look him up. He's a very powerful business educator. Lots of good stuff from him. But I love that quote. You have to do things differently if you want a different life. Step Number two is Toe act While you feel fear. David Richaud, in How to be an Adult, said Act while you feel fear rather than waiting until you feel unafraid. The top sales people in the world you guys still dread picking up their phone. Sometimes the most accomplished athletes. They still get nerves before big games. When asked how he felt when he released a movie legendary film director, I'm going to say his name wrong. Martin Scorsese's made this remark. If you don't get physically ill seeing your first rough cut, something is wrong. The world's top performers in the world act while they're afraid. You guys and the world's biggest daredevils, they're afraid of failure to. And they're probably the most justified in this list to feel fear for sure, because they're actually doing something that will risk their life. Do not wait until the fear is gone. Sometimes it won't ever go away. You need toe act while you feel fear. I love this statement so much because I've seen it become true in my life on so many different occasions. I used to a lot of theater, and when I was afraid before a show, I went on. Anyway, I hated that feeling of fear. You guys and in other areas of my life I let it stop me from doing things. But I had a goal in my head to get the lead in a show, and I ended up getting a few different leads because I didn't let the fear stop me. If I'd let it stop me, I would have always wondered what it felt like to have the lead in a musical. If you're scared of something, the easiest way to gain confidence is, well, just to do it. Guys, I cut my husband's hair at home. Well, I cut my hair and the kids here, too. But that took a lot longer to be brave enough to do. When I first got the Clippers, when we were poor college students wanting to save the $15 a month for a haircut, I could hardly even hold them. I was so nervous I was going to do a bad job. In fact, at first I thought I would cut him with the Little Clippers. I didn't understand how they worked at all. Now I'm like, Okay, let's just go for this And guess what? I've given him plenty of bad haircuts over the last 13 years of marriage. It always grows back, guys, but I've saved us hundreds of dollars and lots of time going to a salon by doing something I was scared of, and now I'm like 99% good at it. John Weston, burger writer, once wrote. You just have to outrun everyone who doesn't have the guts to publish their work act while you feel fear, even if you if you fail, if you fail epically, you'll feel better and better and you'll get better and you can on Lee. Learn from failure. All right, The next thing you guys need to do is to seek problems and not avoid them. Grant Cardone also said one of the major differences between successful and unsuccessful people is that successful people look for problems to solve, whereas the ladder make every attempt to avoid them. So tell me what happens when you avoid problems? Guys, here's a few things that I noticed. You develop a bad reputation for dumping your work on to somebody else or for not doing it at all. Your personal integrity is chipped away because you're avoiding that problem. Fear and anxiety begin brewing inside of you. You wonder if this will come back to haunt you later. Your peace of mind is also lost. But what happens when you decide to seek out problems? You become a problem solver and you attract respect and admiration. These air two key things to running a business. So if you are going to run away from our problems, you cannot be a business owner. If you're gonna just find excuses, you will fail in your business. You have to become a problem solver, Adam Grant wrote in his book, Give and Take. The World Gives to the givers and takes from the takers. You become someone people trust guys help naturally flows to the problem solvers, even if you don't succeed every time. Most people struggle with self confidence because they've proven to themselves over and over that they can't do it. What does this mean to prove to herself? You can't do it. It means you look at the ways you've failed over and over. That's what you focus on. You tried eating healthier exercising, being more productive, drinking, last, charging higher prices. But nothing seems to work. To remedy this, you need to start building trust in yourself again. Your word must be your bond. If you say you'll do something that means something, you must do what you promise, even if that promises to yourself. If you purchase a course online, you need to follow through with it. You need to do the work and make it happen for you. Don't put up excuses is why all this sucks. I can't do this. This doesn't work for me because of this. Figure it out. Keep that promise to yourself that you made when you made that investment. So seek problems out in your life. Give yourself some repetition at this failure. Doesn't matter at all. You guys, Seth Godin once said, If I fail more times than you, I win. What matters is the practice. This builds up your self confidence and self trust when you follow through with what you say you're going to do all right. The next thing is that most people aren't self confident, so don't do what most people are doing. Ramit Sethi, who? I love his stuff. He's a really great online entrepreneur. Um, he also has a great book out. I haven't read it, but I've heard it's awesome, he said. When they zig, you should zag and you'll win every time. Most people aren't full of confidence or self belief guys, and it's actually the opposite. Most people are really ing secure, their heavily preoccupied with what other people think of them. They act to please others and to be like others. Whenever I fall into the rhythms that are common or popular. I start to feel that fear and anxiety get inside of me things like I need to keep up in image on social media. I need to make sure I have a cool enough answer at church for What do you do? I need a better haircut so people will think I'm pretty. I went to high school, you guys in an area where appearance was everything that did not roll with me. I wanted nothing to do with it, and I chose to be myself. I hated wearing jeans, so I did it. I have really curly hair, and in the early two thousands, everyone straightened it. I didn't. I've gotten pretty good at being myself, but I still struggle with it sometimes, I promise. Just last week, I made a hair appointment to go blonde dye, my hair blonde. I have spent four years growing out my natural color, planning to accept any graze as they come. I have about five now, and I call them my Sparkles, and I have to swap my mom's hand away when she tries to pull them out. But I've decided to go with my natural color But suddenly last week, after months of feeling like I wanted a change, I decided to make an appointment to get some dimension in my hair. And I wanted to go blonde after months of fighting that that urged that decision to go blonde. So I made the hair appointment and I started looking on Pinterest for the perfect color. But then just yesterday, I cancelled the hair color appointment, and I'm just getting a trim. So you're probably wondering, why did I change my mind? I realized that I wasn't doing it for me. I really don't want to go get my hair done every eight weeks. I really don't want to be anyone other than myself. But I'd gotten distracted by the pretty, faded blond looks all over social media, and I'd somehow convinced myself that I needed to go blonde because then I would feel prettier, maybe more successful. But you guys, it's all a game. None of it matters it on Lee leaves you feeling more insecure when you try to keep up with other people. The reason I stopped dyeing my hair four years ago is because every single time I did, I hated it. after just a couple days because it just wasn't me. I wished I hadn't done it that I I should have been happy with what I had before because it was always better before. So I'm choosing to live with the hair that God gave me curls that like to fuzz No matter the routine mid brown color, maybe a little mousey, sometimes in the winter without any son with a few Sprinkles of great being an embracing me gives me confidence. So if most people are insecure, scared, anxious and fragile and like to copy each other, don't do what other people do, the prolific motivational speaker Jim Ron wrote. If you keep living like the way you are now, you will continue to produce the same life you already have. If you want a different life, you guys, you need to do things differently. I've said this a lot of times in a lot of different ways. If you want to eliminate your anxiety and your fear, then don't look for answers from the mediocre majority. The majority of most of people they're they're mediocre. That's not anything wrong. They like being mediocre, but they don't have giant goals they don't. They don't think the same way that entrepreneurs who make lots of money think When most people zig one way most of the time as a big lump in a crowd, you should zag the other way. You need to choose your role models carefully. Those with the loudest voices rarely offer the wisest insights. Do you want the same insecure, boisterous, superficial life that most people have? Or do you want the real thing full of quiet self confidence and an enterprise? Ah, hi, follower. Count on social media doesn't mean that person is making money. Lots of likes on a photographer's page doesn't mean that they're not overworked and working for too little money. Find someone who has what you want and ignore the rest you guys. Most people struggle with these huge levels of anxiety and fear, and it's really uncommon to see high levels of self confidence. But you can be that person because even if you're not there yet, you can start by modeling your behaviors around people who already have exactly what you want. Act while you still feel the fear. It's not going away, so act anyway. Just trust me because you'll feel so much better after fear is not a bad thing. You need to learn to seek those problems out. Start proving to yourself that you can handle problems and that you won't back down. And remember, most people are full of tremendous anxiety and self doubt. Don't do what most people do. I'll be covering the topics of confidence and fear in later podcasts. But this was a great introduction for you guys. I hope that working on these things will help you feel just even just a little bit more confident in yourself and let that translate to your business. Have a great week..